Am I Such A Failure?

I just started typing, and although it is terribly written, it makes me cry to read it, for it is straight from the heart.

i sit in the corner
nobody here
surrounded by people
all very near
i think about starving myself
been there
done that
i think about cutting
how unoriginal
anyway
people would see
i think about bringing
my insides out
after every meal
but then i would look worse
with rotten teeth
i think about the big one
the s word
but my mum always says it\'s selfish
I'm selfish
and i will prove her wrong
i know harming myself is wrong
but why is it so appealing?
do i hate myself enough?
i think i do
i don't eat for days
but somebody guesses
i pick up the knife
i just can't do it
i stick my finger down my throat
there is nothing to come up
i get the paracetamol
my throat just won't swallow
i sit on the bed and cry
why am i such a failure
that i can't even harm myself properly?

please comment. it would mean so much to me