Hello!
I liked this poem, the idea was good, but it didnt have a good enough flow and It didn't seem like one of those poems that dosn't need a flow, ya know?
Maybe try make the sentences the same lenght and put a lil flow/ryhtem into it and it would make it easier to read.
Id give it a 4/5.. but I dont vote lol :D
Well done, its a good start, just dosn't seem completely finished xx

Very very very gooooood!!!!!!!!
Thanks for you're comment
keep up the good work!
x

This poems ROCKS.