Temporary goodbye

Nobody knows their REASON to be here
I'm pretty sure that my death isn't MY fear
And MY reason will always be unknown
And MY self-esteem and pride is already blown

Forgive me Father for i DO NOT know what i do
And I'm sorry for saying i don't believe in you
Forgive me for following the wrong path
And for not dealing with the aftermath

With every cut being deeper than the last
I guess it shows I'm still living in the past
And it's so hard to just STOP using the knife
Knowing that it has helped you manage life

And i know i still look under my sleeve
And i find it hard to believe
That the scars are now starting to fade
But sometimes i still miss the blade

And times get hard as I'm getting old
I'm not even 20 and my life is starting to unfold
I've been through a lot, more than i wanted too
And I've tried to get past it, everything i possibly could do

And i want to feel what it's like to have a family
To have parents that treat you like it has to be
And i wish i had someone to permanently be there
Someone to help me grow up and actually care

And i try SO hard to be strong
I show my friends how to get along
I guess that's why i have so many of them here
And i love all of them, even the ones who aren't near

But my life has gotten too wired
And I'm starting to get tired
My head is on the pillow and I'm tucked in
A new life is about to begin

And I'll admit that I'm a little afraid
That it's too soon and that I'll fade
I won't see my friends succeed
I won't see them get what they want or need

I'm very patient but I've waited for so long
I've come across to many rights that went wrong
And it's too soon but it's so on time
And I'm done all of my trying

I want no tears and no pain
Falling apart has NOTHING to gain
And as all of our lives pass you by
Realize that this isn't a suicide note, it's a temporary goodbye

*no I'm not dying, i was just having an extremely bad day*