Behind The Wall

I was hoping you'd forgive me
break the razor for which i thrive
i was hoping you would love me
cuz u make me feel alive

maybe you could see me
but please don't look within
i want you to care for me
and I'm so much more beautiful in skin

i never thought I'd say that
and truth is i still don't
I'm only writing confessions
of what i wish i wont

but i guess there's no way to apologize
not to you,maja,mom or dad
every hit, every word you threw at me
was worth the effect it had

i don't deserve to be in this world
no one hears the songs I've sung
but in the end i know I'm bad
cuz only the good will die young

i may not remember much in my mind
and what fades into minute and day
i may have hated every word you burned me with
but i still listened to everything you had to say

and i may have ignored all the warnings u made
that's why i never told you
what was really going on with me
i didnt want to argue...

and a part of me hates you so much
for hurting me and making me cry
that same part of me hates you
for abandoning me without the courage to die

and if i could only grab your wrists
and match my scars with yours
then maybe you would see -me-
not just another one of your wh ores

but I've learned a lot while loving you
i know now how to hide
everything you could use against me
is protected by a big wall of pride

the only way you will know
is through this poem or through my will
for now I'll write ill never take you back
even though i love you still

but in the end, its all my fault
i didn't mean to hurt you
and last night you weren't sleeping
and i didn't have a clue...

if i could only so much as grasp a hope
that the scars you make are from my broken parts
but hope is what destroyed me before
so lets fold our arms and close our hearts

I'm sorry that i took so much
when you had so little to give
but even though i still cut
you gave me a reason to live

i stared all night, i cant focus
I'm still feeling the depth of your kiss
the numbness is wearing off, the pain, all of it
its not you, its the alcohol i miss

the hatred i fell may be love
and the light in the tunnel may be small
but in the end i find my self given you a second chance
one more peek behind the wall...

-i just...long story...I'm having a bad day...