If only you really knew me,
You would notice when I'm down.
Even when I'm smiling and joking around.
You'd notice that I want so much more.
If you only really knew me,
you'd see the pain beyond the smile.
When I gradually put my head down
and give up for the day.
Behind the hair and makeup,
you'd see the pain in a lost and afraid little girl.
Beneath the delicate sleeves,
you'd see the stains on a girl in a far off world.
If you could think and see the world like I do,
you'd see all the misery.
All the personal gain and greed
and how selfish the world must really be.
I watch the door close as you leave me here.
The cold breeze wraps around me.
Wishing that you'd stay.
Slowly but surely I can feel myself crumbling.
Right down to the ground.
Knowing I have no real reason to go through with each day.
Not knowing why I just keep going on living life this way.
Not knowing why I live this life.
Wanting someone to wipe the tears from my eyes.
I become ill again and sleep the day off.
Dreaming of when this will all come to an end.
I'm so ashamed.
It's so addicting.
I hate pretending to be someone I'm not.
Some days I just want to cry the whole day.
Erase everything in my life and start from scratch.
I cry and cry.
Dying and dying.
Lying to the people that I love the most.
Making promises that I try to keep.
But in the end I just keep falling.
I stumble and fall.
I look behind me to see if someone will catch me.
Why do I get my hopes up so much?
Was I just kidding myself?
I knew there would be no one there.
There's no words to describe the pain I feel.
I'm just one huge mess.
Just a little girl in a huge world.
I'm selfish and ashamed,
afraid and in pain.
I want to show you how much I hurt.
But I know you don't understand by the way you act.
It just makes it worse.
Why do I even try?
Why can't I just die?
If only you really knew me.
Maybe you'd think about helping me.
Maybe you would catch me when I fall.
But I know I shouldn't lie to myself.
I know you will never understand.
So let me just get up and get ready to pretend and start the day again.
