If

Nice Repition, in if thats a yes? well written, nice plot in the poem i like the point of view in that, very good, if i had to say one thing to work one it would be just like i told another person, try using a bigger vocab, to capture the readers mind quickly and make them want to keep writing and then if its really good they'll vote and comment and you'll get ppl adding u on the fav. list, i have the same problem to though, ill give u advice and on what i do, www.rhymer.com you type a word in and they give u a list of all the ryhmes of that word i use that, to use a bigger vocab. im sure it will help u too. ttyl sometimes

PeAcE OuT
~RiCo SmootH~