Through out my life I have had appalling things happen to me like, family
troubles, deaths, and medical problems.
And when I take moments to think of them, it's like a titanic drum in my
head that beats over and over again that I can't get out.
The pain that follows it is more excruciating than any pain in the world.
Your head wants to pop off and your stomach gets sick and wants to fall out.
Your head beats along with the drum in a horrific pattern.
You suddenly become bitter and want to tell somebody off.
The pain won't stop, your heart is soon going to jump out of your chest and
you want to scream till the pain in the bottom of your abdomen is gone. But
you know that it won't ever vanish.
All you want to do is crawl up into a little ball and cry, feel sorry for
your self.
If one person looks talks or does anything to upset you, you'll jump and get
out of control. There's no one to talk to, you can't talk, breath, or show
any emotion other than hatred and fear. The most horrible feeling in the
world and it can't escape your body. You try to find a way out of your
feelings but no one can do that. You're stuck in a sinking sand puddle of
depression. All you can think about is the pain of losing someone or the
troubles in you head.
No one can get you out of the mind drowning dream. You start getting hot and
you soon get light headed. You feel like you need to sit down but you so
mad that you have to knock someone out. Your world starts to spin like a
ride at six flags spinning out of control and soon coming to the end. Your
start smelling smells of thick gross things you never smelt and the aromas
float into you brain. When all this is happening you're just staring,
crying, feeling alone. Thinking of nothing but the trauma that had over came
you. You want to die to get yourself out of the hurt. You soon hear things
in the background and block them out. No one can help you now. The only one
there is you. Thinking why did this happen or why me?
The things that made you happy are no longer there.
You don't care. You need someone but no ones there. You try to break through
everything and when you do the pain still fallows you around for a life
time.
