I miss you but you scare me!

I think of you often my dear friend
You have always helped me through.
Im so messed up right now
I promised not to hurt myself, but I want to.

I have fought my longing after your touch
But I dont know if I can proceed.
If it wasnt for guilt toward my friends
I wouldnt care and you I wouldnt defeat.

The thing that scares me the most is you
You got a power I cant control
I hear you whisper my name over and over again
You want my pain but you cant have my soul.

I hate you from the bottom of my heart
Im never sure of myself when Im with you
You make everything so difficult and confusing
You will never become my life - I wont let you.

* Please comment on my poem