What do i call this?

So many times that i try to go on my heart it just wont alow me. every day that i try to see something deeper inside of me, my heart doesnt alow me to move on. the words i said i take them back, i try to forget . that i lost the love of my life. many hours spent alone just thinking of you. realizing that im not alowed to care, to try, to hold your hand at night. and it hurts to know that im not yours . to see her hand and to recognize that your not my man, how it hurts, how it burns, oh the scars, to much to tell. to see your face, the way that i left it, to remember your touch and the smell of your skin, to witness to the thoughts that you once had for me moved on... is incredable. unbelievable. to know now that either the pain you felt was too much that you lost who you were, or that the time, our life, consumed... was a lie was a way for you to take over someone who is dying for you.now. so what the hell was it a lie, or am i ment to die , so that i realize yoiu are still and always were the best man in this world. i know how god felt to sit there and tell us all that he loves us unconditionally, because i feel like this is all that can explain the way i feel for you.

**wow that sux thinking to fast to type sucks. oh well please vote and comment!**