Bleeding Youth part1

WHAT AM I DOING HERE? I SHOULDN'T BE HERE. I'M ONLY A BOY, THE SON OF A SHOP KEEPER AND HOUSEMAID. I AM NOT A FATHER OF ANYONE, I SHOULDN'T BE HERE. I HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH YET, WITH THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS, WHOM I HAVE LEFT AT HOME TO STAY AND DEFEND BLIGHTY. I ONLY CAN HOPE THAT I SEE HER AGAIN. BUT I KNOW I WON'T, BECAUSE UPON THE BLOWING OF THE CORPORALS' WHISTLE. I KNOW I WILL DIE, BUT TO DIE A BOY OF THE AGE 17 IS AN INJUST TO GOD. MANY OF BOYS AND MEN HERE ARE SICK WITH FEAR, SADNESS AND ILLNESS. ALL AROUND ME MY PARTNERS ARE DYING FROM GERMAN BULLETS, FRENCH DISEASES AND THE BRITISH STIFF UPPER LIP. THE LIP WHICH IS TOO PROUD TO BACK DOWN, TOO HONOURABLE TO JUST LEAVE AN UNFOUGHT FIGHT. I AM NOT BLIND TO THE CAUSE OF WHY I FIGHT BUT I CANNOT SEE THOSE WHO FIGHT ALONG ME. TO ME THEY ARE JUST GHOSTS. ALTHOUGH I FEEL THEM, SMELL THEM AND HEAR THEM, I CANNOT SEE THEM. WHY SHOULD I? I WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN UPON THE BLOWING OF THE CORPORALS WHISTLE. ONCE HE DOES I WILL CLIMB THAT LADDER AND WHEN I REACH THE END AND GO OVER I WILL FINALLY BECOME A MAN. A MAN FIGHTING FOR KING, COUNTRY AND MY FAMILY. I WANT TO DIE A HERO, BUT NOT A BOY. SO THE SECOND IT TAKES TO CLIMB THE LADDER I WILL NEED WALK DOWN AS MANY ROADS AS IT TAKES TO BECOME A MAN SO I DON'T FEAR THE GERMAN GUNS AND BULLETS.

HOW DID I GET HERE? HOW DID A BEAUTIFUL SUMMERS DAY IN THE PARK LEAD TO THIS? HOW DID I GET FROM ONE HOME TO THIS HOME? A HOUSE WITH MUD FOR WALLS, FLOORS, AND THE CEILING DECORATED WITH FLASHES, EXPLOSIONS AND DARKNESS. THE ONLY COMPANIONS WE HAVE ARE THE RATS AND SCAVENGER BIRDS WHICH COME TO FEAST UPON FALLEN COMRADES WHO IN A SPLIT SECOND CHANGED FROM A BOY TO A MAN, TO A CORPSE. A CORPSE WHO ONCE FOUGHT FOR THE CAUSE, FOR HIS FAMILY AND HIS COUNTRY. THE COUNTRY HE LOVED SO MUCH HE DIED FOR IT. THE REASON HE JOINED THIS TRENCH. THE TRENCH WHICH IS OUR ONLY SHIELD FROM GERMAN BULLETS. THE TRENCH MADE FROM MUD AND SHIT FROM BOTH MAN AND BEAST. THE WALLS OOZE LIKE WATER. MANY A SOLDIER HAS GOT TRAPPED UNDERNEATH, AND SOME EVEN DIE UNDERNEATH THIS SHALLOW MUDDY BLANKET. THEY DIE. THEY DIE UNDER A LAYER OF FRENCH MUD THEIR OWN, AND PEOPLE WHO THEY CONSIDERED FRIENDS, SHIT. WHAT A WAY TO DIE UNDER YOUR OWN EXCREMENT, I GLADLY WELCOME THE NAZI GUNS RATHER THAN TO DIE LIKE THAT. TO DIE LIKE THAT IS AN INADEQUATE DEATH. HE DIDN'T EVEN DIE A SOLDIER, NOR A MAN.

TO BE HERE AND TO HEAR WHAT I'VE HEARD, TO SMELL WHAT I'VE SMELT AND TO SEE WHAT I'VE SEEN, IT IS NO QUESTION THAT TO SURVIVE THIS, NOT THE WAR BUT THIS LONE CHARGE, IT WOULD TAKE INTERVENTION FROM THE LORD HIMSELF TO SAVE ME. BUT WHY WOULD I WANT TO SURVIVE. WHY ME WHY NOT SOMEBODY ELSE. I DON'T WANT TO SURVIVE. I WANT TO DIE FOR MY COUNTRY. I DON'T FEAR THE GUNS AND BULLETS OF THE BASTARDS. ALL THEY CAN DO IS KILL ME, WHICH I CONSIDER TO BE A GIFT IN THIS FRENCH TORTURE. SO BLOW THE WHISTLE CORPORAL, LET ME CHARGE, LET ME GO, I WILL DIE FOR YOU SO PLAY THE LAST MUSIC I WILL HEAR ON THIS EARTH, AND BLOW YOUR WHISTLE. LET ME GO AND DIE NOT A LONE BOY BUT WITH MY GHOST COMRADES AND I PROMISE I WILL TAKE A NAZI WITH ME. I F I DON'T THEN MAY MY SOUL BE SENT TO HELL. TO BE KILLED AND NOT TO KILL AN ENEMY IS NOT WORTHY OF BEING IN EDEN AND I WILL NOT FEAR THE CONSCIQUENCES OF THIS WISH BECAUSE I WILL DIE A MAN AND A MAN FEARS NOTHING SO BLOW THE NOTE AND LET ME BE GONE.

I AM A ONE MAN ARMY AS ARE ALL OF ENGLAND'S SOLDIERS. WE ARE INVINCIBLE, WE WILL ALWAYS FIGHT AND WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER. I AM READY SO BLOW DAMN YOU BLOW THE WHISTLE AND LET ME BE FREE. YOU BASTARD BLOW IT. I CAN WAIT NO LONGER LET ME WALK DOWN THE ROAD AND BECOME A MAN.

I AM SURROUNDED BY COMRADES BUT YET I CANNOT NOT SEE THEM, BUT I KNOW THAT THEY HAVE THE EYE'S OF SLEEPERS WAXED DEADLY AND CHILL, AND HAVE HEARTS WHICH ARE STILL BUT WILL GROW IN TO A HILL OF MEADOW. PLEASE LET ME KILL THEN DIE, KILL THEN DIE.

"FOR THE ANGEL OF DEATH SPREAD HIS WINGS ON THE BLAST, AND BREATHED IN THE FACE OF THE FOE AS HE PASSED, FOR THE ANGEL OF DEATH SPREAD HIS WINGS ON THE BLAST, AND BREATHED IN THE FACE OF THE FOE AS HE PASSED." I WILL BE THAT BREATHE.