What Happened?

I know it's wrong
I don't want to be like this
But I can't help it
Is there something I've missed?

I thought I was normal
And always the same
But now I realize
It was all just a game

I've always been this way
I just didn't see
Why didn't I notice?
How did this come to be?

I can't tell anyone about this
They wouldn't understand
I'm not sure that I do even
And now I just can't stand!

Knowing this now
It makes me afraid
If that wouldn't have happened
Would I have stayed?

It just doesn't make sense
So I'm shunning myself
And locking it in
But I need so much help...

*I can't explain it. It doesn't make sense...not even to me. I just wish I knew what happened!