Living with regret

I can't keep going like this,
so scared and all alone.
Not knowing what to do next
wanting my side to be known.
What I've done and how I've hurt you,
it tears me up inside.
You say i dont remember what went on between us,
but your wrong, your the one who kept me strong.
Remember when you said you'd always be there no matter what?
Where are you now, when i need you the most?
Seeing you as the days go by,
makes me want to break down and cry.
Knowing the one person who ever loved me doesn't want anything to do with me.
I'm scared of myself and what Ive become, seeing everything i care about start to come undone.
I dont want things to be this way,
but i dont see another way out of this pain.
So did something i promised you i wouldn't, thinking of you every step of the way.
As the blade sinks into my skin, i focus on the pain.
For a moment i forget about everything, trying to find a way to make it all go away.
When the blade stops reality slowly sinks in.
I look at myself in the mirror full of hate for what i see.
I put my blade away,
telling myself i have to stop.
Tears find their way to my cheeks once again, as i pray for the strength to not give in.
Wanting to get away from it all,
i leave my house with my pain buried inside.
Walking alone in the dark, i think about you.
Wondering where you are, and if you ever think of me.
As i slowly come to a stop i realize I'm at your street.
With all my strength i force myself to turn around.
My heart breaks again, this time without a sound
How do i make you see that i need you?
I've never felt like this before,
pain, loss, regret, worthlessness, fear and hate.
My only wish is for you to hold me,
tell me again to "be strong baby girl"
But knowing that day will never be,
i return to my sanctuary and my bad habits.
Wrapped up in my blanket, i hope and pray this night will be my last.
The tears will stop, the pain will end,
and these cuts will be my last.