Will there ever be a time I don't feel awkward around you?
Where I can say I was thinking or talking about you
And my blood won't run cold, scared of your reaction?
Because if there ever is such a time
Then I want it to be now
I hate to feel like I have to hide this from you
I hide nothing else, yet this makes me feel ashamed.
Ashamed that I let this take over me.
Ashamed that I had to be forced into honesty.
These regrets are piling up outside my door, and I always let them in
I want you to have the truth, but I am scared what it will do
It never gets any easier every time I admit it
I still let doubt eat at me 'til I am nothing but bones.
You say you like my writing, but are you liking what I'm writing now?
Paranoia gets to everyone in different ways; and this is mine.
To call it obsession is unfair; like it is to say that it is wrong
What is wrong is that I force myself to keep it hidden
Because all it does is show itself in other ways;
Anger, any kind of over-reaction; it is all down to this, as I'm sure you know.
Your friendship is the greatest gift I don't deserve,
And nobody can tell me, or you, otherwise; I truly believe it.
I cannot remember what the bitterest pill to swallow is,
But if it is not this, then it must surely come close.
These are all feelings you don't possess where I am concerned
But to get over you - "Why should I?" I tell the people who tell me to
It does nobody harm, what I did in the past does not happen now.
My blood runs cold as ice at the thought of you reading this
But keeping it from you is wrong and unfair
I have caused you enough hurt by my selfish actions.
You make me cry too easily; you don't have to say a word
Or even be there, but the thought of what won't be is enough.
Please don't turn your back on me for this
But I can understand if you do, I am too much to handle.
I never meant to be such a burden, that is why I hid it
From you, from everyone, eight long months of silence.
I make it sound worse than it is, either that or I am trying
To make you think it is not as bad as it is; I do not know.
But all I do know is - I love you
And you can run if you want, but I will never forget you.
