Never Good Enough (for myself)

Fading from reality to a world all my own,
To a side of me I've never shown.
Everyone sees a girl, happy and free,
But it is a useless girl that I see.
Far from perfection, failing everyday,
So hard to explain my thoughts in disarray.
The only control I have is what I eat,
Against my mind I have to always compete.
I'm slowly losing my control more and more,
My hunger pains I must learn to ignore.
Filled with hope I will survive,
Day after day so hard I strive.
Strive to finally reach my goal,
Strive to make this shattered girl whole.
But it seems I'm slowly wasting away,
I try to speak but words I just can't say.
I can't let anyone know of my pain,
I'll fail again, silent I must remain.
I thought I had control but now it's controlling me,
Through my black tears I can no longer see.
I didn't mean for it to go this far,
I didn't mean for this to leave a scar.
A scar on my body I can no longer hide,
A scar showing that I'm slowly dying inside.
I want to see bones but am afraid,
Afraid at how quickly away I can fade.
I thought thin was the answer to all my prayers,
But I know it's not as everyone stares.
They will soon see how I'm wasting away,
No longer in this world do I want to stay.
Everyone sees beauty where I see disgrace,
I look in the mirror hating my face.
I may be good enough for everyone else,
But will I ever be good enough for myself?