My Simple Words

I'll let you in my mind where no one knows,
So guard it with all your heart,
For if you ever did tell a soul
I know I'd fall apart.

I've learnt over these years how to hide my feelings,
Keep the pain out of my eyes,
But now it overwhelms me,
So I'm going to compromise.

I've been drenched with my emotions,
Emotions I learnt to abide,
But now I'm not drenched, I'm drowning,
And I know I have to decide.

I can decide to suffer in silence as I know how to do,
Or I can decide to at least try and end the pain,
At least if I try I can hope it may work,
If I just ignore it I will have nothing to gain.

I don't want to feel these things anymore,
Lying in blood in my own personal Hell,
Falling into that deep blackness again,
While he watched me as I fell.

So many thoughts whirling through my mind,
Lying awake at night as my skin shivers,
Scratching at my arm until the blood flows,
Creating tiny crimson rivers.

Pain in the physical world and through my body,
Sending shocks through my mind,
Thinking I should stop now, it's starting to hurt,
But my thoughts leave all logic behind.

Sleepless nights and bad dreams in the time I 'rest',
I'm not meant to be like this, my soul went wrong,
Staying in this world of hate and endless pain,
I can't stand it here, I'm not that strong.

Hot tears flood my face as I write this simple plea,
As I cry for help with my simple words,
Crying for it all this time but never making a sound,
No wonder nobody heard.

So I've let you in my mind where no one knows,
I've let you see the real me,
I'm trying to get you to understand I want it to stop,
This isn't how I'm meant to be.

So please, keep my little secret,
And guard it with all your heart,
For if you ever do tell a soul
I know I'll fall apart.

© Copyright of Holly Nia Goodson