I seemed too of lost everything before I met you.
I lost the will to live, I lost the will to love, and I lost the will to find.
The only thoughts that ran through my head, where those of death and hatred.
I hated everything, I hated my friends, I hate my family, I hated me, I hated life itself and I thought there was no point to me even being here.
I knew that however hard I tried I couldn’t really smile, I never meant it.
I knew that however hard I tried to succeed I would always fail, so I thought that every attempt was pointless.
I was an emotional-wreck, everything that had been built up had been shattered, my hope, my love, my dreams.
Whenever I tried to let that little ray of light into my dark world that same old dark cloud would block it and just cover me in darkness once again.
I used to cry myself to sleep almost every night, and dreaded knowing that I would have to wake to the same old morning, to the same old day.
I used to take anything sharp, the scalpel, knifes, razors, just anything that would help relieve me from this pain.
Whenever I’d be alone, I would use the biggest and the sharpest knife in the kitchen, and just bleed myself to sleep.
I would always turn to the blade when things got bumpy, any little argument between friends or family, or if something had happened to you or any of my friends, I would resort to cutting over that some old scar.
I hated it, but it was the only thing that kept me alive. I would think every day that every guy would always be out of touch, and it was like I was invisible, no one saw me. So I gave up, I just let me heart fall apart, and turn to something small and lifeless, just like me…
I let this happen, thinking it could never become normal again, always having the scars and scratches on it…
…This was until I started talking to you, I was still like this for a while, but you made me see that there was a point, even though I hated the times you wished you were dead, and there was nothing I could do to help, I would again, sit there and cut scared incase I was going to loose, and this was before really truly knew each other. Things were abit shaky and confusing but we scrapped through, and each day we became stronger. We had reassured each other that there was actually a meaning to living; my meaning was you, and it always will be, because of that fear of loosing you.
We have had our times, however f**ked up they were, and however much I wish they never happened…Even still I stuck by you, I still loved you with like every single bit of my heart, even though there was a little something which hated you, but I could never despise you.
There are times when I confuse my self; I make myself believe that with what I see, I don’t believe you can still love me. There are so many people out there you could of chosen and you still went for me. I don’t see how and why.
But out of those people I’m glad we found each other, just because I can’t even bear to think about what life could be without you. I actually don’t think there could ever be a part in my life that doesn’t include you.
Because I have promised you that I will always love you, I knew I loved you before I met you, I just needed to believe not in me but in someone else, that someone else who was able to be so amazing to do what you have done, to open my eyes and made me see more. More to life then hate and death that there is so much love and happiness, you just need to open you eyes and look around, which is exactly what you made me do…
…And I thank you, I can’t say it nay other way, because that is it. I thank you and I love you, more than anything can ever be described, lets just say if someone gave me a million pieces of paper, I’d still need more just to write all the reasons why I love you, what I love about you.
I mean (I hope) I know you better than anyone, I know your fears, your favourite food, what you like, what you hate and just everything about. I love you from that toenail on you little foot, all the way up to that last piece of hair on you head. Every single inch of heart, loves every single each of you, and every single inch of your heart…and I ALWAYS will…No matter what.
