I really like the beginning of the poem, infact i think that the beginning of the poem is great. it gets weak as the poem goes on and for one reason mainly. you repeat a lot of words. and i'm sorry because i know the last time i commented on one of your poems i mentioned the repitition too. but i think once you fix this up the poem would be presented stronger and the meaning would shine through more. i like the idea of the poem too!

~Jacklyn