I can live

Hey. Well, honestly I do happen to be more generous to a heartfelt poem, that makes me feel something I've felt before. However, in saying this, I also reward points for creativity and originality - the things that I don't see all that often. This one is one of those things. I've heard alot of good things about your writing, and yet your votes don't really reflect that.
Anyway, as far as your style goes - I enjoyed the references you put in to try and make the reader understand what it is you were trying to say. I've never seen bamboo shatter myself, but my imagination sill conjured up what it might look like; and to tie that up with the things you might have been feeling worked pretty well I think.
Overall, you come across as someone who likes to rap. lol, sorry if that offends you for some reason, but a few of my friends 'write rhymes' and they love rap-it's their Thing. This material just reminded me of some of the stuff they come up with. The flow, the words, the rhyme scheme. The one part I wasn't particularly keen on was 'busted'. If this is a rap, I can understand why you might have put it there. If you're not a rapper, and never intended to show that in any way; then I think it could probably be made better for a poem: made into something a little less random and forced.

I really liked it though, and I definately think you deserve more than what you've been voted for. -Stefhy

Hmmm.... not very good. You're poem is to forced when it comes to rhyming and has no emotion put in it whatsoever, or at least, none that I can tell. Simply because of the lack of heart, it doesnt get a 5. Nor a 4. Also, as someone else pointed out, "ain't" is not a word. Therefor does not belong in this poem so please... take out.
Your second stanza sounds like you ran out of words to rhyme with. Spitter? No one uses that word and hardly knows what it means.
Your punctuation threw me off...quite a bit...
I liked your focus but not how you portrayed it.
2/5

Oh yeah! I forgot to thank you for the comment that you left me on my poem: Flowers in the meadow. I really appreciate it and I think you were right. You are really excellent at giving out critique and I am sure many poets on this site await nervously for you response. lol. But I know that they are also grateful in the end because it only makes them a better poet. Keep writing.

Letty

Dumpstead !
I must say that this poem was quit a surprise. I don't think that this was one of your best. In the beginning of the poem the rhyming seems a bit forced. It's like I knew what the next line would say before I even read it. Also the rhyming in the first, second, and third stanza was so cliche'. I really do believe you could have done better.

In the fourth stanza second line:

I ain't boasting, my visions aren't gone.

Ain't is not a word! I don't know if you were intentionally using slang or not, but if you were it didn't go with the rest of the poem. The fifth stanza had me contemplating though because I had no idea that bamboo shattered, so I really can't say to much about that. But I loved the last stanza. It told a whole story on its own and that was wonderful. In that stanza I felt the emotion that was missing from the rest of the poem. I could feel the hurt, the struggle and so much more in the last stanza. I like the whole concept of this poem Dumpstead, but I really think that it needs work. 4/5

Best wishes
Letty

Like the bamboo, as my ambitions have grown
My dreams have shattered, fears have flown.

How does bamboo shatter?

The poem flowed fairly easily and only in the first stanza did I have to reset my pace to get the rythm.

The only thing I didn't like was the slant rhyme on busted, the rest of the poem has a linear rhyme and it felt out of place.

Bret