Lost In Darkness

As I lay in my bed with my thoughts spinning,
I feel so helpless and lost.
In my head is a fight for life or a new beginning,
and if I choose death it will be at my cost.
I choose to walk the streets at night,
leaving my fate in the hands of darkness.
Longing, hoping to find a light,
at the end of my life that has become such a mess.
Wandering, walking, wondering, running,
not knowing, not caring where I am going.
As I run blindly my world is spinning,
until I finally collapse on the ground crying.
Watching, waiting to be swallowed up by the darkness,
above me is the midnight sky.
Here all alone I hurt no more or less,
than when in my warm bed I lie.
An empty bottle by my side,
I can't think straight or even walk.
With a gun in my hand I have tried,
to resist my urge to pull the trigger.
Sobbing uncontrollably,
rushing to the edge.
This never-ending hole is staring up at me,
Seemingly sucking me down.
I put my head back and close my eyes,
Stretch my arms out as far as they go.
Letting the wind push me past the lies,
that say I'm not hurting everyone I know.
I am falling down to be lost forever,
falling faster and faster, down and down.
This is a thing that I though would happen never,
but now I will never see light again.