One second so happy, then suddenly sad,
I can't explain these strong emotions I have.
Feeling the need to die, wanting to escape,
though I have nothing to escape from.
No one believes anything I say,
when I tell them how I feel.
They just laugh and say I want attention,
some even say I am crazy.
Thinking everyone hates me,
hating myself for no apparent reason.
What did I do to deserve this pain?
Can I never do anything right?
Everyone is having fun while I sit here alone,
trying to fight against all these voices.
Telling me to end my life this instant,
I don't need to live any more.
I crawl into my tent and lay down shaking,
Listening to the shouts and laughs of my so-called friends.
They are having fun; they don't need me,
and so I decide to go.
Taking the pin for what I hope is the last time,
scratching my wrist till it bleeds.
I open the bottle; drink the water,
and swallow what may destroy me.
Not knowing, not caring how many I took,
only wanting to live no more.
But nothing is happening; I feel fine,
this isn't how it's supposed to work.
But now I am scared of what could happen,
what the hell have I done?
I smile and laugh and try to act normal,
maybe nothing will happen at all.
But suddenly I don't feel so normal,
in an instant I feel as I have never felt before.
Suddenly unable to even act fine,
almost unable to stand.
Everyone thinks I am just having another mood swing,
they just leave me alone.
I collapse on the ground and lay in the grass,
Staring up at the bright blue sky.
My head is pounding; my thoughts are spinning,
Will this be the last time I see the sky?
Will I ever feel the warmth of the sun again?
Will I ever have a normal life?
Itâ's amazing how those little pills,
Can make me feel his way.
How quickly I can feel as if I'm dying,
How scared I am knowing I can't go back.
Death is a very powerful thing;
it can so quickly take over someone's life.
I lie here for what seems like hours,
Feeling as if I am spinning and will never stop.
Until someone finally notices and asks what's wrong,
but I lie and tell them I'm fine.
I get up but nearly collapse,
barely able to see straight.
I now lay on the ground back at the camp,
while everyone around me is perfectly fine.
I crawl into my tent, tears streaming down my cheeks,
No one notices but her.
She is the girl, who hates me for no reason,
She notices but doesn't care.
She is too caught up in her own bad mood,
what did I do wrong?
I begin sobbing uncontrollably,
Shaking, crying, unable to stop,
And barely able to breathe.
Is this the part where my life finally ends?
The moment I look forward to and yet I fear?
I feel as if I am going crazy,
I feel so out of control.
I just want it to be over with,
but why is it taking so long?
Finally forced to come out of my tent,
Surrounded by people all on her side.
They don't believe that anything is wrong;
they just don't care about me.
I sit here, tears streaming down my face,
until it is time for bed.
Maybe I will go to sleep and never wake up,
that is what I wish.
As I lay here feeling sick,
I try and try to go to sleep.
I finally do, and hope I never wake up,
Hope I will never have to face the world again.
Sometime in the middle of the night,
I suddenly wake up and am sick to my stomach.
Why am I not dead yet?
I went to sleep hoping to never wake up.
I go back to sleep,
Maybe there is hope yet.
But when morning comes and I hear people talking,
all hope is lost; I just have to live.
