Mommy Dearest

I'll walk out of the house,
With a smile on my face,
Open the car door,
Then drive at a fast pace,
You drive me crazy,
The way you yell,
I tell Daddy everything's okay,
But he can tell,
I miss my Daddy,
And I tell him so,
He says I'm still young,
And I need room to grow,
Daddy how I wish I could be there in your arms,
So it was like when I was little,
And the world did me no harm.

So I'll go to school,
With my baggy sweartshirt,
And sweatpants too,
Walk into the building,
Stare at all my friends,
Their smiles and their perkiness,
Kills me softly,
But I'll hold back the tears,
Like I've held them back before,
But I don't know,
Maybe I can't,
I don't know how to do this anymore.

You'll walk up to me,
Give me a hug,
I'll flinch in pain,
And then you'll shrug,
You'll drag me outside,
Stare into my eyes,
Roll up my sleeves,
As I want to die,
You'll see the marks,
Of a knife,
And scissors too,
Some are self inflicted wounds,
But only a few,
I'll tell you that I fell,
Into the coffee table last night,
A tear will roll down your cheek,
And I'll try to win this fight,
I'll hold you in my arms,
As tears sting my eyes,
I can't do this to you anymore,
I just can't lie.

I'll tell you all you need to know,
My Mommy hits me,
When she is dozed,
She hits me all day,
Curses through the night,
I'll lay on the floor,
Pretend to be dead,
Then hold back my tears,
As the replay runs through my head,
Sometimes I wonder what she's thinking,
As she sees my body lay on the floor,
I ask myself,
Does she care anymore?
Does this make her feel powerful,
To see me lying here,
Does she care,
Would she dare,
What if one day I actually ended up dead?

You're my friend,
Until the end,
And I'm sorry I get crazy,
I'm sorry that I scare you,
When I say "maybe",
I'm sorry things for me don't work out right,
I'm sorry I don't call you every night,
I can't be here for you,
Like you want me to,
But I promise,
That I'll make it through.

A few months later,
My friends start to die,
I get on my knees,
And ask God why,
Make everything better,
In my life,
If my friend wants to die,
Take away the knife,
Maybe someday I'll have a better life,
I won't be threatened,
Not with a gun or a knife,
Maybe things will look up,
And maybe I will see,
That if I put my trust in you,
You'll put a little faith in me.

~This one's for my friend Annabelle who made a special request that I write this for her. It's a sad poem but it's a true life experience for her so I hope it means a lot to you, Annabelle. I hope things look up for you and I hope you'll make it through. So, please, comment on this one. A lot of tears and time went into it~