Warrior

Bret,

I would like to explain the capitalisation issue you have noticed in the following lines:

shiny the Armour, that keeps him always fit;
shiny the medallion, that frees him from guilt.

The "s" in "shiny the Armour" is not capitalised because the Warrior is proud of his Armour but not that it is shiny, he actually would have liked a litlle bit worn, a couple of scratches, smoothened edges due to usage, comfortable armour. But he has ashiny one that's proteting him mighty and he wants to say that.

The "s" and "m" in shiny the medallion is not capital because, the Warrior is not exactly proud of it. He should have been able to cope with the guilt without any such thing, but he has reciieved teh medallion from a .... daemon, magician... somehwere which helps him deal with guilt and he is not proud of it but requires it's use.

I hope that my explation is understandable.

Thanks Bret and Jeannie for yout inputs.

I have edited the poem and tried to alter it according to your suggestions.

I have taken the two lines Jeannie has suggested to inclue instead of the lines that used "ain't" before.

The end result is that..... My poem has a much more Matured tone now!

WOW! Thanks to you both.

The first two lines of the poem were great. They set the pace of the poem and was lost right afterwards.

Second stanza:
For the great army he just slain,
Sending all their efforts in vain,
to conquer his freedom and inflict pain.
Seemed to me, a bit forced in the rhyming scheme. Although the words were powerful and sent home the message you were trying to project, it got lost in the translation of the rhyme.

Third stanza, second line:
To strengthen his will and his belief he fought
without any aide as never help he sought.
Would be better if you used the following line: No aid was given, for none was sought.
It keeps the flow intact.
Third line was too long for the flow to work. Take out the could and add a past tense to the word remember
Like: [As he remembered these whole episodes, repeat,] leads to the next line of the stanza.
The fifth line of this stanza:Still he continues to fight without rest,
needs to have two more syllables to make it flow. Say like this: Still, he continues to fight without any rest.

Forth stanza, first line: Ain't is not a word to use in this exquisite piece. Try the following: The Warrior, not just a man, of flesh and blood.
Which guides the reader to a more profound understanding of the poem.

The first line of the last stanza, was completely lost to me. If you meant to say, there isn't much to complain or speak of... then you need to readdress the whole line. For example say: Speaking shortly, No words are left for to swine... Which leads with ease to the last line which completes the thought.

Okay, so I have torn your poem apart and put it back together, I hope you are happy now. lol. Now everyone will think I'm heartless, mean and nasty.

Friends
Jeannie

I have a few problems with the way you deliver this and a few of your word choices. For example:
Ain't just doesn't sit well with me. I don't see why you wouldn't put isn't or is not in its place considering the depth of the poem.

Abode... is this metaphor for the horse being the only place he feels at home or at peace?

It asppears to be intentional but both uses of shiny are left uncapitalised and I wonder if that is done on purpose considering the capitalisation of Armour, but if so would not medallion be capitalised also?

Intriguing tale, fella. most intriguing.

Ultimate/fantastic poem...great piece of work... keep it up