What They Did When I Was Five

Inside of five year old me, the laughter's dead
Too many times being
Smacked across the head

Too many times being hit
Again and again by my Mum
With wood, even just a little bit

Smack across the arms, legs, face
Me in a ball on the floor crying
As she puts me back in my silent place

Mother, you were my protection
When I was bullied so bad at school
But all you gave me was rejection

Ice cold eyes and no warmth at all
Just a yell to shut up crying
From the other side of the wall

Scared, when I watched my brother
Aged three being hit over the head, then falling
To the floor, a broken leg. That's my mother

Bruises all over my arms and legs, five stitches in my head
For that time you threw me so hard
Against the cold hard metal corner of the bunk bed

Daddy you were no saint, not by far
You hurt me with your ridicule
And layered on scar after scar

Father every time our skin comes in touch
Something inside screams in revulsion.
Why did you hate me so much?

At yours for the weekend
Why am I crying in a corner
Daddy why can't you be my friend?

And I'm still not sure what
My Daddy did to me when I was
Only five, somehow my mind forgot

But I have the flashbacks now to say
What I pushed aside as a child
I can't believe you hurt your daughter that way

So I'm looking back and thinking
What caused this? Money? Fights?
No, and neither was it drinking

No causes from what I can see
And yet both of you in different ways
Abused, hurt and rejected me

Can I forgive when it still screams
Can I move on when it still
Haunts me in my dreams

Maybe you don't know what you did
But I'll tell you the truth, so listen
You abused a helpless FIVE YEAR OLD kid

And I can't forgive you.

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