Again

You seem to be stepping up in this game,
The sentiment once quiet but now not so tame
Inside lingers questions which I try to ignore,
But they hurt me so bad I cannot take any more.

I care so little about being a picture of despise,
I prefer that to listening to all their empty lies,
About crushes and attraction, or disorientation
Implying that solving the riddle is my obligation.

It frustrated me for awhile and I felt depressed,
It was like my old memories had been repressed
And suddenly they appeared; I could not run anymore,
I have to accept I made the same mistakes as before.

The puzzle complex; perhaps I need no answer to show?
But if these theories are ridiculous, I wish I could know,
Because somehow I feel that I can never admit,
What I think has happened, I am so ashamed of it.

I know I might be taking my usual jump to conclusions
But the looks in your eyes are not my delusions,
I am so sorry. I hope this time I caused no pain,
I just really cannot believe that I am doing this again.

*** yes it is a little weird, hopefully you can appreciate it without understanding it because I'm not explaining it! ***