I wrote this after I tried to kill myself because I was so distraught over the loss of my Nana. She was my last grandparent alive and I did, and still do, love and miss her!!
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I took those pills,
so I wouldn't have to see this place again.
I wanted this to be over.
No longer would I have to worry for my family and friends.
But I still remained here.
Trapped on this earth.
Why did I have to stay at this place?
No longer did I want a rebirth.
I just wanted to die.
Just end the suffering, loss and pain.
I have lost so much.
There is nothing left to gain.
Why did he send me back?
Why couldn't I stay up there?
I just wanted to have a time of peace.
I was so tired of being so scared.
All I thought was,
When will the next tragedy take place?
When will I have to feel more pain?
When will I finally be replaced?
There are millions of people on this world.
Why couldn't they just let me go?
Please just show some mercy.
I'll stay here, just let Nana be shown.
I want so badly to see her again.
Her and grandpa, too.
I know they are long past, but please
perform a miracle and let me see those two.
I'll cross a thousand mountains.
Run a thousand miles.
Go through one thousand losses.
If only I could see their smiles.
My heart is bleeding.
I feel this never ending pain.
But please make it worth something.
Let me see them on a day of rain.
No longer will I complain for what I've lost.
I'll be happy for what I have to gain.
I'll recognize the goodness
that has come from what almost drove me insane.
Just let me see them again.
Just for a second, to help me become renewed.
And I'll look to the peace on this earth.
Instead of hating all the feuds.
