This is a very beautiful poem.. i can feel the emotion you pput into it.. its great. good job

The words you chose to rhyme made it sound so real. i really enjoyed it because it wasnt all chessy and you tried to use any words to rhyme. it was really from inside and ur an excellent writer

Hey this was really good. Enjoyed reading it. Great job. Keep it up.

Thanks for your comment.

Aw this poem is so sad. You did a great job on this one & the repetition of the first line in each stanza really brought out the emotions. Great job!

Wow this poem is just really good. I can see why someone would just read it over and over. it was just that Good. I really liked this one alot. You are a really good writer. I love your work

Oh, wow, i can relate, such a sad poem, like it though, alot

“It's so unfair,
that you up there and I'm down here
my mind filled with thoughts of death
because I'm left alone in pain
I'm calling your name to come back down
without you, theres no one around”
^^^Ah, the subject of death. Hmm. I feel like that has been coming up a lot lately. I like the way you opened it, I’m sure a lot of people can relate to it. In your second line, it should be “That you are up there and I’m down here” and it should be there’s or there is not theres.

“It's so unfair,
that I can't hear your voice
I have no choice but to cry
I wish I could fly and see you face again
my memorizes of you are so thin”
^^^I like the vulnerability in this stanza. It’s so raw, and once again, I’m sure many people can relate. In the fourth line, again, it should be “and see your face again” not you.

“It's so unfair,
I try to take these thoughts out of my mind
but I always find myself wondering and dreaming
every time I stop thinking about you, my heart stop beating
when I start thinking about you again, these thoughts start feeding on my mind
I keep trying and I keep finding myself helpless without you
holding my pillow tight trying to figure out what to do”

^^^I like this stanza very much. It’s a good use of imagery. Your words flow nicely. “Every time I stop thinking about you, my heart stops beating” instead of stop beating.

“It's so unfair,
that I didn't got a chance to tell you how I feel
if I did, this would had already healed
but you left without warning and so quick
every time I try to face the fact that you gone, I become sick
I feel sick because you was my reason to live
now since you gone, theres nothing that live could give me”

^^^Hmmm. This stanza brings up a lot of thoughts. I like your word choice, it paints the story very well. You did make some mistakes though. -> “That I didn’t have a change to tell you how I feel” not didn’t got. I’m not sure if wanted it this way, but I think the poem would sound nicely if you wrote “if I did, this wound would have already healed”, you don’t have to change it, it is just a suggestion. “Every time that I try to face that you are gone, I become sick.” Not that you gone. “I feel sick because you were my reason to live.” Not “I feel sick because you was my reason to live”. Instead of “now since you gone, theres nothing that live could give me” it should be “Now since you are gone, there is nothing that life could give me.”

“It's so unfair,
that it have to be me faced with this lost
I want to be with you, no matter the cost
I can't confront this problem face to face
so I hide, cold and shivering, in a dark place
my heart was no longer mines when you left
so you can see that I already dead”

^^^ This is my favorite stanza. I liked how you rhymed, it fit very well. It wasn’t awkward rhyming, it flowed REALLY, REALLY well. Although once again, you made a few mistakes: “That it is me who has to face this loss.” (Not lost) “My heart was no longer mine when you left.” (Not mines.) “So you can see that I am already dead.” (Not I already dead.)

My only issue with this poem is that you should really proof read or have someone else proof read it. You made a lot of mistakes that impeded on some of the meaning of the poem. Other than that, I really liked it. I noticed that you rhymed in some places, and in others did not, I honestly liked it a lot better when you rhymed, if you could keep that up consistently, it would be really awesome.
Keep Writing,
5/5
Erna

"It's so unfair,
that you up there and I'm down here
my mind filled with thoughts of death
because I'm left alone in pain
I'm calling your name to come back down
without you, theres no one around"

^^^Ah, the subject of death. Hmm. I feel like that has been coming up a lot lately. I like the way you opened it, I am sure a lot of people can relate to it. In your second line, it should be "That you are up there and I'm down here" and it should be there's or there is not theres.

"It's so unfair,
that I can't hear your voice
I have no choice but to cry
I wish I could fly and see you face again
my memorizes of you are so thin"

^^^I like the vulnerability in this stanza. It is so raw, and once again, I'm sure many people can relate. In the fourth line, again, it should be "and see your face again" not you.

"It's so unfair,
I try to take these thoughts out of my mind
but I always find myself wondering and dreaming
every time I stop thinking about you, my heart stop beating
when I start thinking about you again, these thoughts start feeding on my mind
I keep trying and I keep finding myself helpless without you
holding my pillow tight trying to figure out what to do"

^^^I like this stanza very much. It is a good use of imagery. Your words flow nicely. "Every time I stop thinking about you, my heart stops beating" instead of stop beating.

"It's so unfair,
that I didn't got a chance to tell you how I feel
if I did, this would had already healed
but you left without warning and so quick
every time I try to face the fact that you gone, I become sick
I feel sick because you was my reason to live
now since you gone, theres nothing that live could give me"

^^^Hmmm. This stanza brings up a lot of thoughts. I like your word choice, it paints the story very well. You did make some mistakes though. -> "That I didn't have a change to tell you how I feel” not didn't got. I'm not sure if wanted it this way, but I think the poem would sound nicely if you wrote "if I did, this wound would have already healed", you don't have to change it, it is just a suggestion. "Every time that I try to face that you are gone, I become sick." Not that you gone. "I feel sick because you were my reason to live." Not "I feel sick because you was my reason to live". Instead of "now since you gone, theres nothing that live could give me" it should be "Now since you are gone, there is nothing that life could give me."

"It's so unfair,
that it have to be me faced with this lost
I want to be with you, no matter the cost
I can't confront this problem face to face
so I hide, cold and shivering, in a dark place
my heart was no longer mines when you left
so you can see that I already dead"

^^^ This is my favorite stanza. I liked how you rhymed, it fit very well. It wasn't awkward rhyming, it flowed REALLY, REALLY well. Although once again, you made a few mistakes: "That it is me who has to face this loss." (Not lost) "My heart was no longer mine when you left." (Not mines.) "So you can see that I am already dead." (Not I already dead.)

My only issue with this poem is that you should really proof read or have someone else proof read it. You made a lot of mistakes that impeded on some of the meaning of the poem. Other than that, I really liked it. I noticed that you rhymed in some places, and in others did not, I honestly liked it a lot better when you rhymed, if you could keep that up consistently, it would be really awesome.
Keep Writing,
5/5
Erna

Whoops, it should "That I didn't have a change to tell you how I feel"

This is the saddest of all, wonderful poem, you did really good with it, I love how you write, you pour your emotion out beautifully, perfectly, 100/100