Final suicide note:

Spinning out of control out of this world punching the wall like I've never done before, ripping myself apart and open to bleed, and doing all of this where even you couldn't see, knowing she takes your hand, and kisses your flesh puts none of the suicide thoughts to rest. people tell me to let it go, and never to let my heart show, but I'm doing more than all i can to try, but somehow a thought of those nights seem to slip by. without control i loose myself and scare so many that are around, i see him in the hall and then i see them both talk together like i was no one, just a sliver of a memory neither held too deep, a girl that has never crossed their dreams. someone to be used, and then to turn the story around on me. every smile i draw is fake, and till the last breath that i take is where i will wait. in a paranoid time where each kiss was paid with a tear later on in the year. I've held so much in and away from the world until now* when i loose control. this is my suicide note, and I'm finally happy to say that I'm not sorry i had to go. there is so much that i wish he would know, how much at the time i needed him most, how as the seconds go by how much i need his hand, his kiss, his voice, one more try to get it right, for j... to know i haven't walked away and for that day to come when c.....'s tears mean nothing to anyone, when he realizes that i always believed. and that no one will ever love like me. this is my final suicide note, I'm sorry to me go.