Dying Slowly Everyday......

I wake up everyday to the loneliness in my heart
I go to sleep every night praying I don't fall apart
I hide my pain, my anger and hide away my tears
But for how long, and for how many more years?

How many more years does my heart have to bleed?
How much longer can my body bear to breath?
Until when do I have to watch life pass me by?
How much more pain until I can say goodbye?

I keep burying away my anguish in a black little box
Always scared and afraid, for one day it unlocks
Terror and fear, forever running through my veins
For one day, they'll be nothing left of my remains.

For one day, my existence will finally begin to end
For one day, at last death will become my friend
For all my aching and all those years of suffering
I'll vanish, closing this chapter that's been refusing.

I analyze every decision there is to be made
Frightened for one day my life will simply fade
Concealing in who I am and who I want to be
Shutting out the pain and grief I don't want to see.

Shutting out the all the memories, shutting the fear
The truth, the rejection and all I hold dear
Shutting out my heart, my spirit and my soul
Shutting out everything that makes me whole.

Filled with heart ache, loneliness, guilt and blame
My horrifying reflection is what I now became
The pain and agony filling my heart with hate
The joy, laughter and happiness I still await.

Waiting for the day my life will finally adjust
For that one day I can at last begin to trust
For my heart to feel happiness and feel complete
For my life to make sense and not have it repeat.

Yet I gaze at the world and watch people move on
How easy they discount all those who are gone
They've become so ignorant, so selfish and cold
How is it they don't feel the darkness unfold?

How is it they don't see the pain and distress?
How can ignore and pretend to progress?
Why is it I was given the curse to perceive?
Why am I the only one who can't believe?

I know it's long but please read and rate me!