Do not cut my ears

Dedicated to my hairdresser

I’ve got to tell you one,
One of my many fears,
Of going to you for a haircut
and having you cut my ears.

It started on that day,
for a trim, I was in need,
And you accidentally got my ear,
and it began to bleed.

You apologized so many times
but it just bled and bled,
and my new white jacket,
turned completely red.

I was rushed to hospital,
through the dirt and all the mud,
but we only got halfway there,
when the driver drowned in blood.

then the driver crashed the car,
into a limousine,
Which flied straight off the road,
As the driver let out a scream.

Luckily a taxi picked me up,
And drove the rest of the way,
But when the hospital was closed for maintenance
We went to a schools sick bay.

And the nurse said that due to new laws
She couldn’t administer band aids,
Because she’d have to accept liability,
For if infection tirades.

So I thought fair enough,
I’m only bleeding to death,
Legal responsibility is much more important,
Than me breathing another breath.

But I knew what to do,
From when I hit my hand with a spanner,
I jumped back into the taxi
And told him to take me to nana.

But when we got to her house,
I realised I killed her a few years ago,
When she had embarrassed me
On the channel 10 news show.

So I cried knowing there was not much longer,
I contemplated my last wish,
To go to Big W
And exchange my expensive, broken dish.

I decided to go there
And they asked me for my docket,
And when I reached into get it,
I found a band aid in my pocket.

So I stuck it on my ear.
And I lived through my ordeal,
But the fact that you cut my ear,
Is the thing that will never heal.