My sick thoughts

Why do I crave the tragic?
That something bad falls through
I can't explain why I feel this way
Since I've been missing you

The daily routines, of my plain, complacent life
Are asking for an accident; a sharp cut with the knife
It sounds so sick to tell you this but I really have no fear
Life would be much better if someone wasn't here

That on the way home from work my mother's car would crash
She wouldn't be buckled so she'd fly right through the dash
It isn't that I hate her, I truly love her so
But something in my head is signaling that I want her to go

Or maybe my father, would come down with disease
Spend his final days in bed; and then die off in ease
My father I worship; he is the joy of my life
Always treating me perfect, but still i want the knife

My brother and I are very close; he is my very best friend
Doing things together- lots of time we spend
Yet deep down inside, I wish he would die
So I'd sit in sadness and then break down and cry

Tragedy is so close, yet it is so far
The day last year when she crashed in the car
She I did not know at all, yet I still choose to mourn
The tombstone of my friend's father, I would like to adorn

It used to be just the good things
That I would want to feel
But it has been so long, that I just feel unreal
The days drag on and I continue to be filled with nothing
I'm so incredibly numb, and I just want to feel something