Numbness

I feel so numb, wishing i didn't, i want to grab the knife in front of me and slice away carving at my arm, watching the blood seep from my arm and down onto the floor, i want to hear the sound of screaming as my step dad finds it, want to feel the pain of the knife as i play with the opened wounds, i want to rid of this numbness, i need to feel pain, other than this pain of the brokenness i feel within, i feel pain even though I'm hurting you more than i, you say you wait for my call , wait to hear my voice, yet you don't call don't make the choice, you just make me the bad one, make me the one who's done all the wrong, i want to feel not so numb, this numbness is getting to me, i want to scream, want to feel pain, show me agony, let me watch my blood as i scribe words into my skin, let me show the world i just don't care, watch and wait as i change your minds from my depressing personality to this demon child who has issues, let me prove to you all of you who doubt my pain and watch and wait as i bleed and write you a letter to let you see, i want to feel pain, end this numbness end this wanting desire to hurt, to cut, to bleed

©Angel Wellesley