Will i die

My scars just wont go away
shit what will my dad say
He said nothing
But I heard him crying
I knew id hurt him so
But at the time I didnt care
I only cared about doing it again it became obsessive
I hated myself but loved the pain
It became my only friend
Or was that fiend with an r
I couldnt tell at the time
I was addicted
Just feeling the metal shredding my skin
It made me feel happier knowing I was closer to death
But did I die if this is updated it wont be by me it is this poem I want someone
To indicate to you whether I die im swaying that way I have nothing left