Paying the Price

I wish that I could do it.
Had the guts to do my final deed.
Wondering how this all started
with just a bowl of weed.
I wish I had more options
and this depression I could control
but all the things happening,
Have long been taking there toll.
My bestest friend has moved away,
Guess she's caught up in the excitement of a new beginning,
I'm getting fewer and fewer calls with each and every day.
Left to think of our memories past,
and all these rumors bout my boy,
God I love him
but I'm not sure we can last.
Whether they're all true
or merely lies,
Doesn't matter
With every new story
another part of me dies.
And even the friends who I knew from the beginning were fake
Are sucking me into there drama
Not knowing how little I can take.
And that boy I know who's obsessed with me
Gotta tell him, "Back off boy, we can never be."
Cuz even if I liked you
Shit is much too complicated
Realizing I'm much too young to be so faded.
Don't know what I was thinking
when I started with this life,
Didn't know drugs and sex with older guys comes with such a huge price.