A smile on a sad face,
Is what I went to see.
I thought I had succeeded,
But I left a part of me.
Not a scent on his pillow,
Not a necklace, or a ring.
I left a print upon his lips,
Which now a tear does bring.
I thought I'd leave with laughter,
Or the shadow of a smile.
But instead I left with sadness,
Momentarily worthwhile.
In my arms I know he's happy,
Although he is not safe.
Past experiences have proven,
That this isn't promised space.
I have been unloyal,
And yet he says he cares.
Should he not be strong enough to see,
And avoid the pain of theirs?
I've told him I'm not worth it,
I've said with me, comes pain.
But he doesn't seem to hear it,
And he's drowning once again.
Love shouldn't hurt as much as it does,
It shouldn't tear you in two.
But this pain you'd have to deal with,
If I were to be with you.
He says he's working on it,
As if it's me he must impress.
As if getting closer to me,
Is some kind of test.
There is no exam or study,
Which could prepare him for this.
I'm still trying to show myself,
An 'honest' reason to exist.
He wants to be the boy I want him to be,
There's only one word which comes to mind.
'Happy' is ringing in my ears,
Though impossible to find.
He's gone out of his way to make me smile,
And its found me lost for words.
Sometimes when I am with him,
It feels so good it hurts.
But pain and I belong together,
In a lot more ways than one.
Twice as much hurt and anger,
Come before the fun.
Nothing he has written is pathetic,
No more beautiful could his words be.
Tears rolling down my face because,
The words are wasted on me.
He's staying for one reason,
I know that is his dad.
He fails to acknowledge,
The good times yet to be had.
We both know I will break his heart,
We both know it's not fair.
Risk another broken smile?
No, I wouldn't dare.
I don't know if it's time I need,
To learn to trust myself.
At least enough to open up,
And love somebody else.
As if the wings of a butterfly,
Beautiful, delicate, brief.
Our lips and smiles together,
Feeling somewhat complete.
I care more than he knows,
Although I hide my tears.
Breaking his heart-
One of my greatest fears.
This time I'm not leaving a print on his lips,
Or a necklace, or a ring.
Instead I'm leaving with a smile,
Which happiness does bring.
Meaningless words,
Not making sense.
But it doesn't have to,
To anyone else.
