Can't Change Anything

Written wen i was 16;

When i was just a little girl
I thought the games were fun
They told me i had nothing to worry about
And thats when my past begun

Then I turned 6 and 7
And started realizing something wrong
But thats when they threatened me saying
"I'll tell mommy u were a bad little girl if u dont do wat i say"

Then i told them no
They just wouldnt take it for an answer
Mommy and Daddy
Came home even madder

Thats when it came bak again
The bruises, the noises, and the big grey shoe
Thats when i told mommy
"I dont know if i really love you"

But no matter how much i tried
Running away from everything
The sexual assults, the sexual abuse, abuse
There was just no way out

Mommy would never believe me
No matter how much i tried to tell her
Then i gave up
T'ill i had the power

So when i turned 11
I was always scared of men
Even sometimes woman
Cause they'd hurt me too

Mommy never allowed love for me
Not from her or anybody
"Hey i guess im just the maid
With the bruises being laid"

The threats that came from her mouth
Made me want to do most of them myself
Nobody was on my side
Never really had a place to hide

I went through anorexia
And boulimia off and on
Suicidal and depression
Even self-mutilation

Still i think of going bak
And i do, impossible to stop
How will i ever find love
From a family who betrades me

Now im 16
And i've been in and out of foster homes
In and out of group homes
And in and out of hospitals

My disorders, I'll never conclude
My weight, I'll never exclude
My depressions will never leave
And me well...I know i cant succeed!