Letting go..

by April Chapleau   Dec 19, 2005


Written wen i was 18;

They say i need help
But i say i dont
I understand
But they never will
No one will eva figure me out
And the real reason why i hurt in pain

They never took the time
To even try to understand me
But even if they did
They would still push me away
Cause words cant explain
How bad my heart got stabbed
And how there's not much blood left
To breethe another breath

Im scared to go on
For each day i live in fear
Im scared to tell her
I might not make it another year

I never wanted to leave her house
Nor the family that she gave me
I realize now she tried to help me
And somewhat tried to love me
So now im guessing, that she had to touch me
Its the only thing i can think of
Cause now i cant seem to let her go

Its scary and weird
Cause she's a foster parent
And i hate foster parents
Yet alone the system
And now here i am telling her
That i love her
And beggin for a second chance

Who am i?
And wat have i become?
Or maybe the question is
Who was i, and wat was i becoming?
I dont know
And maybe i never will
But wat i do know
Is that i hurt her really bad
She didnt derserve it
But i felt like i had no choice
All she wanted was to help me
And i threw her in the garbage
I wish i wasnt like this
And wish i knew why

It doesnt matter anymore anyway
I have to let her go
As well as my niece and nephew
Im not happy here and never will be

There's nothing for me here
Except a whole digged in so deep
And dats where i belong
So thats why i took ur words to heart
When u told me to think of my happiness
Now i did,......Thank You!!

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