It would seem,
That I should be happy,
That I have no right to be as sad as I am,
I have never had anyone close to me die.
But that does not mean I have not experienced a death.
A death within myself.
Things started going downhill in January,
I gave up on trying to please people,
Trying to be perfect.
Because I realized I would never be.
The situation started getting so bad,
I was close to no one,
And thoughts of death grew in my mind,
It was not then that I acted upon them.
On April 28, I boarded a bus,
I went to camp,
And had such an amazing experience.
It was so emotional, and amazing, and so beautiful.
There were six seconds,
Six seconds that saved my life at the time,
She became my friend.
She's how I held onto that experience,
She's how I held onto life.
But things never last.
In July,
My life started to fall apart again.
Strains on the friendship I now relyed on.
And when it finally died,
I was so lost.
I had nothing to hold onto.
Many more thoughts of death came to my mind,
But I did not act upon them then either.
On the last day of school,
May 26,
I had seen someone I knew,
From less than a month before,
She was sitting,
Crying.
We made promises to each other,
That we'd see each other again,
Next year.
So I saw her,
At least I fulfilled one promise,
But things,
Yet again,
Started to fall apart.
Stress from school,
From home,
From myself,
Just became too much.
September 23 could've been the last day anyone ever saw me.
It did not work,
But it is a day,
That lives in my mind alot.
After that,
Things started to look up,
But down so fast,
I struggled with myself a lot.
Demons from my past lived again.
But on December 1,
I boarded a bus once again,
To go through that amazing experence,
I knew so much more this time,
I had been through so much more this time.
I cried a lot more this time.
I needed it,
Really bad.
And now,
There are people to hold onto,
People that care.
People that love.
