Blue

In a house alone, watching the television screen
from black to blue to gray always changing always the same
laying alone with only the protection of my solitude
angry tears slide down my cheek as I remember
graping for the telephone
choking back the tears as I watch my fingers dial
no I can't
I can't call you now
in the middle of the night
I am alone with only the past for company
picking it up again, again my hands dial your number
this time I wait for your answer
but you're not really there
only a mirage of your old self
no longer speaking with any of the same tones
while trapped in this conversation with someone I don't even know,
I still miss you
and in an instant again there is silence
the tears continue to fall
the throbbing in my head cannot sooth the ache in my heart
in my house, watching my television, crying my eyes out
and thinking of how friendship grew to love, love to hate,
but still there is something there,
something in your eyes tells me so
you are pushing away and holding me so close
in the silence my thoughts swirl together
blending so nicely with the blues, blacks and greys