Agonizing torture

Will i ever get over you?
Will i ever love another?
Will i survive in this black hole of depression?
So black and so Grey.

I stand for hours in the rain,
trying to hide my hurting tears,
pretending it's the rain falling down my face,
harsh reality is what this is.

So troubled and so pain filled,
this once warm heart is now ice,
i don't want to live,
i don't want to die.

When a smile enters my face,
it hides the continuous flow of hurt,
this sharp phenomenal feeling of torment,
is a shadow in the dark.

My instinct tells me to forget,
I'm bloodless and blank,
i don't listen to my heart,
but follow others and let them lead.

I cannot trust any more,
i portray my suffering on paper,
my wounds will never begin to heal,
unless you share the fear.

So today shall be my last,
of crying in the rain,
of feeling an empty hollow heart,
he shall suffer with grieve....

However much i lose