Who I Can't

by EssenceOfLace   Dec 22, 2005


With this knife in my hand,
I'm in the darkness,
here I stand.

Piercing through my blood filled veins,
letting loose all my pain.

I'll carve every lie you ever spoken,
in my body which you've broken.

I'm loosing my mind inside and out,
I should have listened to my doubt.

You never cared about my life,
so why not forget I'm alive.

I cry at night because you're my everything,
i hurt inside because you're betraying me.

Don't worry about me,
there's nothing left for us to be.

Forget me now and forget who I am,
because not even for you
I won't be who I can't...

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    You portrayed your emotions in a good way here. I like the elements of dark poetry which made the atmosphere of this poem very effective.
    Honestly, I personally dislike the rhymes through this piece because they seem basic and forced. I don't want to offend you but I think that this poem would be more powerful without rhyming scheme.
    All in all, you did a great job. I like the imagery from the beginning to the end, it is very vivid.
    You should capitalize I in the second line of the sixth stanza.
    Overall, 5/5 from me

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    Its very deep and well written, but I don't like cutting... The flow was great, the word choice was decent and the concept was amazing! keep it up :P

  • 18 years ago

    by Iyla

    Thank you very much for the comment. this was a great poem, and it was truley sad. i really enjoyed it, it spoke of true pain. and im sorry for eveything going on. if you ever need anything just send me a messege i'd love to help. 5/5 always xoxo
    -Kit

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