Something I Can't Deal With

So what if i am crying.
i take that as a part of me.
i take it all in wishing it wasn't real sometimes.
i just wanna stop this madness.
it seems to me it's a dream.
i saw you last night.
but not for long until i had to go.
you seem different.
you don't call me anymore.
you just shut the door.
on my pretty face??
i guess so.

I'm starting to cry again.
i do love you.
you know you love me to.
but it just seems so distance now.
yes, i did see you last night.
finally after almost 4 days.
I'm losing it all.
plus 1 and above.
i want someone to solve this.
i want someone to help me.
I'm beginning to cut my hair.
your lucky i didn't being to cut again.

i just feel like I'm worthless now.
i just feel like no one actually wants me.
i feel like he's using me.
last night just felt wrong.
what should i do??
where should i begin??
should i break his heart??
with mine along with it??

i can't stop this.
i can't stop crying.
i might as well start cutting again.
I'm so confused.
my stomach is turning.
I'm feeling sick.
i can't go on.
i don't know what to do.
probably let the tears get the best of me.
maybe not.
maybe this sucks.
maybe this rocks.
i wouldn't care.
this is true.

I'm living on something.
i dunno what it is yet.
I'm just missing him to much.
i can't drive yet.
i can't walk there.
i just can't do a lot of things.
and this is one thing i can't go on with.