I'll just dig in.. I think the poem was appealing in imagery content flow and rhythm, up until about..

No more disdain will breach my self-control
No more blackest spurs will leave me in a role

first line, to me, seems a bit fumbly, and the second line doesn't sound too put-together, either,.. in the next line, I like the word 'design' and 'macabre' but also can't but help the wording isnt quite on and language not quite as poignant as it could be...

I wish all the world peace, no more disdain

that seems a bit trite to me and disdain being used twice doesn't really work, coupled with the excellent language arount it..

With stars outshining the most brilliant bright

borderline-cliche.. i'd take it out and beef up on the imagery; anything to express the brightness of the future, without, maybe, using bright.. I like the way the line flows so smoothly into the next..

I'll only be able to thank God that I am alive

seems uneffective; again, because all the other language is used so well..

To cherish this feeling of splendid release I've desired

'splendid' seems a bit outta place and without it the flow might be augmented.

anyway, so overall I really enjoyed this piece,.. Good ending and I think it has a solid message behind it. You just have to cut off the slack, take what words you need and leave what you don't and I think the piece will be a lot more, afterwards. =O) pZ out!