Messed Up

I want to get close, but I am afraid that my past will catch back up with me. I want to love, but I'm afraid my heart won't forget what its been through. I want to be with you, but I'm afraid every time we get close my heart begins to race and my fear takes over. I can't stand to be held because what if I can't get away? I can't stand to be touched because what if that light touch turns into a closed fist. I can't stand loving you because what if that loves turns to hate. I can't just be your friend because I am afraid to trust. I guess we can't be anything because I'm just too messed up.