Untitled

I am going to go straight to the point. These feelings that I have are not going to leave me alone. Why is it when I am coming home from being with another girl I feel like running my truck into the nearest tree or phone pole? I feel empty like there is nothing to me when I am with another. Do you feel like this? When you call my heart goes wild and I can stop shaking. It is almost like I canâ??t even hold still. Yes still to this day I have the same feelings I have had for u since the day I asked you to be mine. You are the only one who can do both make me mad and make me happy. You have even brought tears to my eyes and no one in this world can do that, but you did. You and I both know that you having someone else in your life is killing me even though I hide it. I keep a fake smile on my face when I am around you, but I do not know how much longer I can go on thinking that I am oOKwhen I know I am not. I am slowly killing myself my saying that I am fine. Some part of me feels like you can tell that I am hurting inside and there is the other side telling you that I have moved on. I canâ??t move on. I have had a new someone and I had to get ride of them because I was trying to find some one like you and I could not. I canâ??t because I know no one is like your or better than you. So may people tell me how I am better off with out u but I canâ??t stand to listen to them any more. They do not know what is in my heart and how I feel on the inside. I have a strange feeling deep inside me like I know you miss me but you are confused on whether I am the same me or, putting on a show to make you think I have changed. I know I can live with out you but yet, I know I do not want to. I never will be able to replace you in any way. Not as my best friend, not as the person I love, not even as someone I tell every thing to. Still do this day I want to just walk up to you and tell you. I love you more than any one you have been with have you not seen that. Hold you in my arms and say I want you back. You with me is how it was once was and how it should be. I wish you could see how this kills me inside. I know you feel bad and you know what is on the surface. It still does not tell you even a little about it. I feel I have lost you in the fact I really think you like this other and yes I am happy for you. Not at the fact that you found some one but that you are happy. That is all I wanted for you and as you know I have not bothered you with how I feel all the time I write it down right here so you do not get upset and I do not ruin what I have now with you. Doing this still has not been as easy as it seems. I have had though days were I just want to hit some thing and make the pain go away, but like you told me hitting some thing does not make it go away so I just let it go. Like I told you maybe this is the way god is punishing me for all the things I have done wrong in my life. Holding what I want and love more than any thing. Maybe he is testing me to see how much I do love and care for you never the less I still do. This feeling that I have had for you has only made me find the softer side of me. The reason why I have fond this side is only because I want to show you. Maybe I am not supposed to love another I do not know. All I know is that I have not stopped loving you. Never stopped loving you neverâ?¦.