Controlled chaos

Cant tell if thats the wind
or her constant, overlooked sighs
cant tell if thats the rain
or the tears she tries so hard to hide
cant tell if thats the blood
from the slits on her arms
or blood from her aching, bleeding heart
cant tell if thats a flame
or the anger that burns inside her
cant tell if this is how its suppose to be
or if this chaos has taken over
cant tell what the silence means
wish she could scream away the fear
cant tell if thats her voice anymore
or one of her programmed responses
cant tell if there is too much control
or too much chaos
cant understand how they can exists together
or how she can live through it again
cant see her helpless pleading eyes
blocked by parent's smiles
cant hear her cries for help
drowned out by mother's laughter
cant feel her soft skin anymore
too marred by scars to recognize
cant imagine what refuge she finds
or the sharp objects that release the pain
cant watch her slip away
don't know if she'll survive another day