I love him...i hate myself

It was beautiful
How this used to be
I want that life back
The one he took from me

He was suppose to care
But he just let me fall
After bring me up
And just letting me go

The nights I spent
Me and my tears
I couldn't believe
Happiness just simply disappeared

I swore I hated him
That he did something I could not forgive
But I realized I still loved him
Even after what he did

But now he wanted to be friends
And I hate him so bad
It seemed like
He didn't even know what we had

He just threw it away
Like everyone else
But I thought it changed
I love him...and I hate myself