My Friend

My friend is a cutter.
She takes pills.
She goes to a therapist,
But she hides all her ills.

I am her friend
I know her secrets, mostly.
I know when she feels
Sad, suicidal, and lonely.

Her doctor saw her cuts,
The scars that are her own.
Now my friend's in the hospital,
And I am left alone.

No one knows just
How much I miss her.
I realize how dependent
On her I was...or were.

I laugh and smile,
But inside I feel sad.
Because of that I get
Frustrated and mad.

I should be happy
That she's getting better.
I guess just I'm jealous
Because I'm not any better.

I know this is horrible.
Stupid feelings, right?
I feel it's my fault and
I can't take that another night.

I think it's my fault
Because I never told.
I kept her secret and let
Her sadness keep taking hold.

Now here I am,
Crying tears of red.
All because I feel
That she needn't have bled.

Whether she is better or not,
Here, I want her back.
But that is selfish
And I deserve a smack.

I want her to be better.
But I also want her here.
Is it so wrong that
I need her near?

She might not be home
For at least another month.
I don't know if I can
Manage another month.

As I write this poem,
My friend, I start to realize.
How stupid I must seem,
And I sincerely apologize.

**Please comment**