At one point i counted the seconds until i would see you again
but the numbers are too high this time
and i've lost track.
just like i lost track of my life when it was lacking you
just like i lost track of your love when i was lacking faith.
those seconds turned into minutes
those minutes into years
those years into decades
and suddenly it just feels like forever.
and i'm not sure what day of the week it is
and i can't remember the month but there's snow on the ground and for some reason
i just get the feeling that means you should be here.
but i guess i should have realized
that my feelings mean nothing
and the fact that you should be here is besides the point
you never did what you should have.
so as the snow keeps falling
i'll try to ignore this aching feeling in my stomach
and pounding in my head
and the wet spots on my cheeks
because you would have done the same and you're my idol.
by the looks of it my life has fallen apart
and all i can do is sit around and think about you
and its funny how i still waste my time doing that
when i never even cross your mind.
i used to wonder if you were ever even curious to if i was okay
but that was a silly thought.
of course you didn't; you were never curious
even when i was part of your life.
even when i was your number one...
oh wait. i never was. scratch that thought.
so i'll write my name in the snow
and i won't write yours beside it
because i'm trying to tell myself to move on.
it looks empty without you there but i know that i'll have to get used to it
because i don't think your name was really meant to fill that spot.
and although its sad and its stupid
and its just all around ridiculus
for me to wish your letters fit right next to mine
i can't help that thought from passing my lips.
luckily only the grey winter sky hears me
not that you would have anyways.
so with your name not beside mine
and your hand not in mine
and your life not with mine
i lost track of the seconds it will be until i see you again...
because i probably never will.
