I hate myself

So many conflicting feelings
I don't know what to do
It feels so right at the time
Though justifications are so few

I love her so much
It hurts deep inside
But at her relationship
I don't want to deride

I know I couldn't bear it
to lose her as a friend
And none of my actions
Am I able to defend

I love her more than I can say
And I'm so scared to hut
But i give in, can't resist
and now I feel like dirt

I can but imagine
her turmoil inside
The feelings that so assail me
her more turbulent ride