Selfish Thinking

by sean jnfrancois   Jan 8, 2006


Sitting up all night thinking,
I can't help myself,
Tears on the floor spilling,
Puddles revealing,
A literally washed up version of me,
Myself or I, which one do I wanna be,
Knowing that I hate myself staring back from the mirror in front of me,
But I�ll still be myself,
The only one there for me,
The only one there for free,
no returns
...expect...
Love with no mind boggling twist
...inject...
into the veins of vein lovers whose kisses reflect,
That they would have rather been kissing themselves,
Fascinated over their bodies,
feeling themselves,
Reaching the ego spots other people neglect,
sitting up all nigh fearing,
I can't stop helping myself

can i get some feedback please on my writing ...please vote or comment.....i want to know how good or bad my writing is

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by lost_laureate

    I liked parts of this poem such as the way you used elipses to break up the pace and let some words linger.

    Tip: watch out for some dodgy characters that have popped up in there.

    And please endeavor to put up more of your work

    :)

    [lostlaureate - come find me]

  • 18 years ago

    by Kaylee

    The only thing I'd say is rearrange your lines. One very long one can be broken up into two separate ones which can improve the flow greatly. The writing isn't bad, it's pretty decent, but you lose something with the length difference in lines. And I think if you tried organizing it a bit better, the message would be more powerful and stand out more.

    Good luck with writing. Wish you the best.

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